As I studied and prayed, I began more and more to believe. I also saw people going to Eucharistic Adoration like we have on Saturdays, people going to quite literally kneel at Jesus’ feet and gaze with love at Him in the Holy Eucharist. Around then, I began to connect God’s True Presence in the Holy Sacrament with the story in 2 Samuel when Uzzah was struck down for improperly touching the Ark of the Covenant, the sign of God’s presence with his people Israel. On top of this, St Paul’s clear and scary warning in 1 Corinthians 11 about unworthily taking the Body and Blood of the Lord to our own damnation put the fear of the Eucharist in me. I was moved with love that I could be physically with Jesus now, before getting to heaven! But I also wanted to be extra careful because it meant being in the presence of Perfect, Almighty God!
So, on that happiest of days, when I entered the Church and I received Jesus, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, I received very carefully. I made sure I was not moving or in a hurry, I stopped, carefully put out my hand, making sure my hand was flat so that there was no possibility of dropping Jesus and received Him gently and lovingly into my outstretched hand. Then I carefully picked up Jesus in the Eucharist and received Him. What joy! My Beloved, giving Himself most intimately to my inmost self! I then looked carefully at my hand and I surreptitiously licked my hand to be sure there were no particles of Jesus that would fall to the floor. If receiving in the hand, we should all receive with one hand under the other, being very conscientious and careful to keep our hand flat, take it with the other, receive lovingly and then inspect our hand to be sure there are no particles.
I continued this practice until in seminary, where I saw people receiving on the tongue. I asked about that and learned that I could do that, that it was a universal sign of love, respect, and desire to be completely reliant to God’s grace and providence. It took me a while to build up the courage (and in all honesty, practicing in the mirror opening my mouth and putting out my tongue to receive!), but eventually I began receiving on the tongue. It was a little awkward at first, but it quickly became easy and receiving Holy Communion became even more meaningful to me. That act, of a little child being fed, has been a great gift to me and drawing me closer to the Lord, truly present in the Blessed Sacrament.
May God bless you abundantly,